Well hello, future Joe.. #Poet
I returned from vacation 10 days ago and I can honestly say that I am not the same person I was before I left. I have really tried to put into words what exactly it is that I am feeling, but it is so difficult to day. (I guess this is me attempting to do that again).
I cruised the Caribbean with multiple family members and one of my best friends. This was my fourth cruise, with the last one being nine years ago. Now, if you’ve ever taken a cruise, you know what I mean when I say that living on the ship for a week is such an experience in itself! The first day or so is spent both trying not to vomit all over the place from the motion and trying not to fall into the walls while walking to dinner. Once you get past the initial nausea, this is truly a fantastic experience.
We visited- Amber Cove, Dominican Republic; San Juan, Puerto Rico; St Thomas; and Grand Turk. Each of these ports presented an amazing adventure within this already crazy experience. The biggest thing that stuck out to me was the locals and different cultures I was able to experience. That alone had an impact on me so great that I honestly have no idea how to explain.
Here’s my attempt… I live in a 478 sq ft apartment in downtown of the second largest city in Indiana. I have a good job that provides me to means to survive and pay my bills. I have three closets full of clothes, and often a pretty well stocked kitchen. With all that being said, I’ve always been one who shops to fill voids and to fulfill something without even realizing it. The moment I walked through my front door when I got home from this trip, my heart sunk and I was immediately displeased with myself. I had been to four different islands/countries in the previous week and had encountered many different people who live in shacks and have nearly nothing, but greet you with a smile and seem to be so happy with what little they have. In the past 10 days I have researched ways to give back, looked up local charities to donate to, and even purchased diapers for a local shelter that my church is helping. This is in NO way me trying to brag or say “look what I’m doing.”
I’ve spent many hours praying during this last week and a half. I truly believe everyone on this earth has a calling. I feel it deep in my soul that mine is to help people and to make a difference. I don’t believe that means I’m to join the military or get into the medical field, and although there are many ways to help locally, I feel deep inside that I am meant to do something outside of my city. Waiting for God to tell me where exactly that is can be frustrating at times, but I fully trust that He will guide me in His timing. “Lord, I’m ready now..”
The other truth: I am nineteen days away from turning twenty-seven. Honestly, that terrifies me. Each birthday and each year that I grow older, the harder it gets. Finding my soulmate (if I even believe in that) is not my top priority, but each year that I grow older and continue to come home to an empty home, the harder it gets. I am someone who can be surrounded by numerous amounts of people who love and care about me, but I can feel so alone at the same time. I spend time with God, but not as much as I know I should. I make mistakes again and again, and then get mad at myself. But I feel God. Someone recently questioned the very existence of my God. Although I could see and understand what they were saying, that scared me (no details). I don’t argue others beliefs, but I know what I feel and I know real from not.
Moral of the story… I’m ready to “be fearless in the pursuit of what sets your soul on fire..”
Joe 