As the year starts to wrap up and I really begin to reflect on what 2018 brought, I think about the word that I was given in the first few weeks. It was through prayer and meditation that God placed the word “center” in front of me. Being a little random, in my opinion, I began to ask God, “but what does that mean…? Why center?” I started to second guess what He was saying to me. I started thinking “No, there’s got to be another word. I will be patient and wait for Him to tell me what it is.” But every time I closed my eyes and began praying about it, there it was, clear as day… “CENTER” – I finally accepted it and thought “Okay, center… But you’re going to have to tell me what that means.” and after a few days, He did. While laying down in my bed one night, it became very evident to me why I was given this odd word. The second my head hit the pillow I thought, “Keep God at the center of it all and you can face mountains.”
For the next few weeks, the only song I listened to on repeat was “Jesus at the center of it all..” by Israel Houghton. I fell in love with the word “center”. I wrote it everywhere and really thought “I’ve got this. 2018 is going to be a great year!” Although this year has had great moments, my purpose for this word slowly began to fade. The thought started slipping from my mind as the year progressed. I was gifted a bracelet with the word “center” on it and wore it daily for quite a few months. That stopped. I couldn’t tell you where that bracelet is right now.
You see, my SELF got in the way. I feel like I’ve told this story year after year and to be honest, I’m not going to continue this way. My pride got in my way.. as did my struggles. I thought “Nah, I’m too tired. I’ll pray tomorrow night.” I used the excuse of schoolwork and my job. I thought, “I’ll talk to God for a few minutes on the ride to work, but after that I have to focus.” The truth is, I shifted God from the center to the back burner and that’s where it all went down hill.
As the year has flown by, I have had my waves of thinking I’m going to start reading my Bible again. I would do that… but three days later my center would start to shift. I again would think “Well I’ve spent the last two days doing homework, today is my day to catch up on my shows.” when the whole time I could feel God saying “Hello… I’m right here!” Truth is… that’s a scary place to be.
God is not just someone you call on during the struggle. He’s not just someone that you cry out to when things are bad. God is someone that should be the center of your focus. The first words that come out of your mouth each day should be words of praise that are used to thank Him for giving you another day. God is the friend that you should be excited to talk to and tell what’s going on. He knows what is going on already, but He wants to hear it from your lips. He wants you to thank Him for the opportunities you’ve been blessed with. He should be the center of it all.
Where am I going with this? I’m admitting that my focus changed. It’s painful to admit, mostly because I’m ashamed. I feel that although I’ve had a great year, I haven’t truly spent it with the One who matters most. But even then, He was always by my side. Thank you, God.
As I looked back over the year this evening, I’ve been praying about finding my One Word for 2019. I’m committing to shift my focus back and keeping Him at the center. I’m not waiting until January 1st to do so either. Although I’m not ready to share, I honestly feel in my heart that I’ve been shown what my word for 2019 is. Honestly, it scares me, but I’m ready.
Joe 